Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
