did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
