Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
ttyl tear gas
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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