I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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