That reminds me...we need to get swords
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
