did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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