yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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