i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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