____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
