she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
