I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
