I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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