Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
