I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
