Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
