you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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