I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
