I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
