lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
