I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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