I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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