I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
