If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
