after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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