I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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