This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
