You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
