i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
