It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
