So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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