Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
