my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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