Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
