I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
