To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
