and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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