Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
