So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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