So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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