I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
