i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
