I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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