He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize