i was born a porn star she said
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
