the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
