how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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