i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
