Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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