He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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