This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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