i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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