I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
