it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
