I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
