tell your sister to shave her snatch
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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