I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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