Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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