dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
