The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
