I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
