Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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