dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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