I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
