Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
