guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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