Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
