Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
