Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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