Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize