I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
