K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
