the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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