I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
