my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You took a bar mat shot.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
