There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
